NBC Is All Screwed Up

How am I supposed to watch The Office when my television is acting like a scratched DVD? Is it screwed up in Utah Valley too? I have a rabbit ear antenna and Adam has cable, and both are skipping and have weird pixelated lines running across the screen. Sad day. Maybe I'll watch Nova on PBS instead.

Math Test Results... Still Pending

My professor still hadn't finished correcting the tests as of class time today. She did say that most of the class did poorly. ha ha. So she is giving us an extra credit assignment to make up some of the points that we all probably desperately need.

The Skunk War

I don't know what it is. My family's neighborhood has always been a haven for skunks. They don't bother me all that much generally, but several times we've had a skunk run into our garage, get startled, and hide out for days, spraying every time a dog or cat gets too close. Not cool. Skunks are fearless. Nobody wants to mess with them, and they know it. For a while if you drove down our road at dusk, you'd likely see see a skunk sauntering on the shoulder, making stops at all the houses with cat food. They made the rounds like clock work every day, indifferent to man and animal alike. That is until my dad finally decided to strike back.

Mind you, this isn't a story from my childhood. This happened a year or two ago. My dad had me climb onto the roof of our house with binoculars and my cell phone. He sat watching baseball on TV with a .22 by his side. There I sat, eyes peeled in the near-darkness, perched on the roof. Soon I saw a familiar black shape shuffling down the street. I fumbled for my phone and hit the speed dial. "I have a visual. 2 o' clock, by the fire hydrant." Without a response, I heard a click, and within moments saw my dad crossing the lawn towards the target. minutes later, the skunk's still-warm corpse lay in the street. My dad dressed in winter clothes, (I'm still not sure what that was supposed to accomplish,) and he shoveled the limp varmint into a garbage bag and threw him into the gulch behind my house. He smelled like a skunk for a couple days after, and probably had to throw out the clothes, but it was a victory against the skunks.

Another time, a skunk ran into our cats' house. My dad ran over and covered the opening with a board. Together, he and my brother Derek hoisted the house, and threw it off a 30' ft. cliff. I wasn't there for that one. There have been others. I won't detail all of them as some of the stories are more incriminating than others, but needless to say, we have an epic battle going on.

Every time we push back against the skunk invasion, it wins us a couple months of respite from their relentless odorous onslaught, but a couple of weeks ago, those striped devils upped the ante.





A skunk dug a burrow under our concrete porch and took up residence in our back yard! Like any good soldier behind enemy lines, this skunk knew how to keep a low profile. It waited until the dead of night to slink out of its lair. It moved like a shadow, only leaving a faint trace of its scent. It was without a doubt the most formidable foe we've faced to date. It lived in the lion's den for a couple of months, fearlessly stealing cat food from under our noses. Mind you, this happened after the semester started in Cedar, so I wasn't there to see the ensuing events firsthand. Last weekend my brother Dylan went up north to visit my parents, and it was then that my dad decided to strike. If the skunk wouldn't come out of its hole, then he would go in after it. He duct taped a hose to the exhaust pipe of my sister's 94 Ford Taurus, and stuck the other end into the burrow, and blocked off the entrance with a tire. They then started the car and let the car work its slow lethal magic. DEATH BY ASPHYXIATION! PWNED! That is why we have opposable thumbs, and skunks have stupid little digging claws. Maybe next time.

Math Test Results... Pending

I took my math 1050 test yesterday, after spending several hours trying to make sense of it in my mind. I figured most of it out on my own, but finally I found the tutoring center, and got clarification on one small point. It wasn't as big of a deal as I thought. There are plenty of people in there, and it was the antithesis of being singled out. In fact I sat there for ten minutes unaware that I had to raise my hand to get help. I will be utilizing this service more often in the future. Anyway, I will post my test results later in the day. They won't be amazing, but they'll be passing.

Riot Act Mystery

A couple of days ago I bought a copy of Pearl Jam's "Riot Act" on vinyl at the record store Groovacious down here in Cedar. It was $15.99. Now here is the mystery. There are no discernible signs that would indicate that it is a reissue or an import, but Riot Act LP's are going for $100.00+ online. I looked all over online and could find no re-issued pressings of the album. I would like to think that I found a gem, but I am feeling very wary. Someday this mystery will be revealed to me.

Hair Dye

I'm going to dye my hair today. I have had a thing of hair dye for months and months and i never got around to using it. Get ready for Dark-Haired Dan. Everyone knows Dark-Haired Dan is much more fun than regular Dan. Also, I need to eat and do laundry. Oh yeah, and I have one more class today. I almost forgot. You know, with all of my responsibilities sometimes a couple get lost in the shuffle.

THERMO

Some of you may be aware that I have obsessed about the mythical ghost town Thermo for some time. Others of you may know that last spring Adam and I finally managed to find Thermo, which actually only consists of a small hot spring. Even less of you may have heard that when we were about 1/4 mile from our destination we saw a large well lit facility with people walking around in the middle of the night.

Well tonight we went back to Thermo. this time the facility had grown, and there were two well lit areas. when we approached, a security truck pulled up along side the road. We continued on to Thermo and had a look around. This time nobody went for a dip. After we had our fill of Thermo and its wafting sulfurous fumes, we began our return journey. Again, as we approached the facility, the security truck pulled up to the road. This time, we stopped next to it. We learned that our assumptions about the facility had been correct. It was a massive geothermal power plant, tapping into the steam underground. It was really interesting, I wonder if they give tours during the day. I guess the energy they produce there is used to help power the city of Anaheim. I guess it has the potential to produce power for up to 33,000 people. Who would have thought that the stinking bubbling springs that Dominguez and Escalante stumbled upon 200+ years ago would power 9,000 homes in California? Mind blowing. I know I make fun of science a lot, but it was really fascinating.

Upon arriving home I searched for the plant on the internet.

http://www.rasertech.com/media/movies/html/geothermal_groundbreaking.html

http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700224550,00.html

This sort of explains the technology behind it.

Silvestre Vélez de Escalante

After reading his journal chronicling the daily events of the Dominguez Escalante expedition, I have decided to bestow the title "Father of Blogging" upon Silvestre Velez de Escalante. The guy had a knack for a good concise blog post. Sure, he predated the internet by a good 200+ years, but if you had given that man a laptop, he would have pwned the world wide web.

October is Adventure Month

Something about October makes me jones for a good old-fashioned adventure. maybe the cold air numbs my brain. I wish I had Davy's metal detector. I'd like to take that out to Frisco. Maybe we should take another trip to the most awkward hot springs ever to spew forth from the earth. THERMO! Why are they awkward, you ask? Two nearly naked men sitting back to back in a rusting tub that smells of hardboiled eggs. You know it smells bad when Dominguez and Escalante commented on the smell. It is a smell that has befouled men's nostrils through the centuries.

Album Art

I have been noticing an encouraging trend in music. I love 90's alternative, but I think most of you will agree that it was kind of the dark ages for album art. Cassettes and CD's are just bad mediums for visual artistic expression. As the popularity of CD's has waned, and people are stealing MP3's and vinyl is making a comeback, I've noticed that more and more bands are revisiting the long lost art of the Album.

Secret Computer Lab

Thanks to Adam and Jaynann for showing me the error of my ways and introducing me to the basement computer lab in the ELC. The library is always loud and full. This place is much more comfortable. There's a dude that camps out in the corner of the lab and plays WoW all day. I have been in here a few times now, and he's always there. I'm glad I broke that habit.

So I came in here to write some stuff for my novel, and yet I have somehow started blogging. Counterproductive.

Epic Failure.

After school today I arrived at my car to find a flat tire. I got out the spare, and the crappy little dollar store jack that they throw in there, and I lifted the front drivers side wheel off the ground. I managed to get the tire off. Home free, right? Wrong. The car rolled off the jack and slammed into the asphalt. Luckily I wasn't under it. So some dude comes over. Its pretty lame that a guy has to get help from another guy to change a tire, but at this point I'm sufficiently humbled to accept help. So the guy puts the little jack under the car and lifts it off the ground again.... and the damn thing rolled off again. At least at this point I realize its not just me. The problem is that the road is uneven and poorly graded. Thanks Cedar City. Also, it's just a terrible jack. So the guy runs over to his car and gets a bigger better jack and we manage to get the car off the ground without grinding it into the road a third time. Luckily nothing except my pride was permanently damaged.

It reminded me of trying to change the truck tire on the Escalante trip. Davy focused on his arts and crafts while garit, mike, and i, tried to use a similarly worthless jack to lift a truck, which proved impossible without the help of slabs of sandstone. I have terrible luck with changing tires.

Hitler Nazi Germany Essay

I got a 94 on my essay. So did Jaynann. No bragging rights :(

I take comfort in the fact that it was a fun essay to write. I have a much better grasp on the Weimar Republic than I did before.

Super Fake Nice

sElf is back! He's got a new song up called Monogamy, which is really good in my opinion. It is one of my favorites of his so far. It has been several years since Matt has recorded as sElf, since Ornament and Crime if I'm not mistaken, and that wasn't even officially released. Sad, as I thought it had some good songs. Anyway this new song is really poppy and catchy. According to sElf's Myspace, the song is from the album Super Fake Nice. A new sElf album? Woo hoo!

Beck- The Information

Tonight I've been listening to the last couple Beck albums. I have particularly enjoyed revisiting The Information. The more I listen to Beck, the more impressed I am with his musical diversity. There are several gems on this record. Give it a listen.

The Rumors Are True.

I had to take one for the team and put breast milk on my hand. Yeah. It was weird. I just thought you should hear it from me on my own terms, instead of being outed by other sources (Adam).

Where is the Tutoring Center?

I have never been tutored before. In fact I have never taken any personal lessons from anyone in anything before, except my mom taught me some piano. I have refused any one on one help from outside of my immediate circle of friends and family since I can remember. It's one of my things. I taught myself how to play the guitar. I struggled through difficult subjects in school. I never took karate or other similar lessons. I don't know why, but that's the way its always been. I have a serious aversion to being singled out. Now I stand on the precipice of bombing my final math class. The dreaded 1050. As I peer over the chasm I see the frustration, wasted money, and another semester of math taunting me. Do I accept defeat? Or do I go through with the unthinkable and ask for help at the tutoring center? Its a tough call, but I am that sick of math. I have to get through this class. So where is the tutoring center?

I Stand By Everything I Said

Gretchen and I had a conversation that I thought might be of interest to my friends and family.

Dan Promotes Caging Of Innocents

Normal

Gretchen challenged me to blog about something normal.

Four years ago I hiked Timp with Garit, Davy, and Branden, and it was truly a humbling experience. By the time I reached the top I was shuffling like a holocaust survivor. (Not saying my suffering was comparable, just saying I'm a total wuss). Here is a picture. This was towards the beginning and I was already sitting on the ground to rest. Yes, I am aware that my haircut looks like the elf guy on Dark Crystal. (Thanks for that immortal comparison, Davy.)

I am accutely aware that I was wearing a bandana around my neck, and was toting a bag of Lemonhead candies. Thank you for not stating the obvious.



This is me looking like I'm at death's door on the saddle. There I am wearing that goofy girl's camp bandanna. So this is the point of the hike where I had driven myself to the brink of exhaustion, only to realize that I was looking down on the same scene I'd been looking at my whole life, only smaller. To make matters worse, while I was stumbling around like the living dead, just out of the picture two little girls were chilling out right next to us. They hadn't even broken a sweat.

This is why I don't blog about normal things. I manage to make everything weird.

Weekend

I am coming up again. It's a long weekend btw, so I'll be there Friday night- Monday night. I'm glad that SUU has a deer hunt holiday. I never took hunters safety, so I don't hunt, but I'll take any holiday I can get. Even if it is to celebrate and facilitate the mass slaughter of fauna.

Ancient Greece: To Make Matters Worse.

So on top of the Red Sox getting whipped like a sick dog at Fenway today, I also lost a friendly competition with my good friend Jaynann Daly. We're both in the Ancient Greece history class, and for a test our professor assigned an essay based on one of three options to be completed at home. So last week we wrote our essays, both of us waiting until the last day to write them up in a frenzy. Mine was on the origins of ancient Athenian democracy. Hers was on the Spartan culture. As he began passing the tests back today, we anxiously awaited our scores. The person with the higher score naturally would have friendly bragging rights. So our professor calls Jaynann by name along with a handful of other students for their exceptional papers. My name was not called. Jaynann got her paper. 94/100. Time passed. My name was one of the last called. 92/100. WHYYYYYY?!?!? I LOSE AT EVERYTHING! I don't know why I even try. I am going to drop out of school.

Baseball Misery Continued

Sorry for saying ass in the last post. Take comfort in knowing that I have thoroughly edited my true feelings for public viewing. I was saying much worse during the game. Ask Adam and Jaynann's three month old child, I was baby-sitting her at the time.

I am Literally Nauseous,

The Red Sox are screwed. They just lost a vital game in embarrassing fashion, and barring a complete shift in the cosmos, their season is all but over. I want to crawl into a hole and die. Before any of you line up with smart-ass comments about sports being lame, or whatever, know that I will take it personally. I will hunt you down and beat you to death with a baseball bat. You know who you are. I'll let Kevin's Manny comment slide, because I'm wondering the same thing.

And I Thought They Smelled Bad on the Outside

I spent the night huddled in the bowels of a dead ton-ton. Yet somehow I have survived, and my pipes remain unfrozen. And you told me he'd freeze before the first marker. Never doubt my survival ability again.

Apartment Temperature Update

Just to give an update on the first snow day of the fall, I am boycotting old heating oil furnaces because they are inconvenient. So I am currently without a substantial heat source. Strangely, my house isn't nearly as cold as you'd think. Of course, I'm still bundled up in every odd and end knitted accessory that I could muster. I have the little space heater blowing towards the pipes. That's all I care about. I really really really don't want to burst the pipes. I will keep you all updated on this riveting situation.

How am I supposed to catch Davy?

Davy is a relentless blogger. After this post it will be Davy 32 posts, Dan 23 posts, and Adam will be bringing up third place on the strength of his mobile blogging extravaganza. Columbus, Harvey Birdman, Anti-Panda Express? How am I supposed to fight this? Well, I must press on. Hopefully Davy burns out like a brilliant flash. I am going to In and Out burger today. If I could mobile blog I would milk two posts out of that alone. Oh well.

Dan and Mike, A Gtalk conversation

Gretchen wanted to go on a road trip down to southern Utah today, and she told me and I got excited, but then Mike vetoed it. Here was my response to Micheal:

me: YOU'RE TEARING UP MY HEART....

Micheal: quit playing game with dan's heart.... it's dan's heart.... dan's heart.

a little more time passes in conversation...

me: to the tune of Bye Bye Bye: Mike, you can drive home tonight, or we can just sit and fight, on gmail til our hands get cramped, micheal come--ooon... I love you endlessly, so come and visit me, now its time to leave, get your coat and leave home... i know that you can't take much more of these endless drives, but I want to see you out that door, micheal bye bye bye

Micheal: BYE BYE ... should I really spend 60 bucks to go see you? Just another driver in this trip for two?

me: It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie micheal drive drive drive DRIVE DRIVE.

Best Gtalk conversation ever.

Updated Myspace Music Page

I recorded a new version of an older song, "Red and Yellow", last night and uploaded it to my myspace along with a song I recorded earlier in the summer entitled "Its Time We Let These War Wounds Bleed". Anyway, give them a listen. And try to figure out how to download mp3s from myspace. I've been trying to figure it out all morning.

Have you ever used the word assuage in an essay?

I have! I deserve an A for coming up with that word. It is so much cooler than words like relieve, or ease. You're thinking this is a strange and pointless post. True, but I got tired of writing my essay and decided to assuage my boredom by blogging. The best part of that word is if you switch a couple letters around it says sausage.

I am hungry for Gandolfo's breakfast

The sandwich I like is one I made up when I worked there, no, it was not the "Steamy Manhole", although I still stand by that name as the coolest possible New York-themed sandwich name ever. Anyway, I will settle for any Gandolfo's sandwich right now. I am not picky.

Sometimes the world kicks you in the mouth.

Life is tough and I am naive. I still hope someday we'll all get our happy endings. It is that hope that sustains me as I see the world tear apart before my eyes, and so much that is good and right and worthwhile melts away, leaving me second guessing whether it was ever there in the first place. Thanks to the amazing people out there who are faithful, honest, and loving in the face of so much adversity. You are inspiring.

I just realized that one of my songs was prophetic.

I predicted our current economic crisis. I am a musical seer

Shopping Mall

It was even in a simple analogy that the common man can understand. I hope you all heeded my council and got out of the market before it was too late. For those who didn't, shame on you.

The world IS run by robots.

What is with modern society's aversion to using the word robot? Forty or fifty years ago if you had asked some sci-fi crazed kid what he expected in the year 2008 his description would be full of references to robots. Allow me to imagine it.

In the twenty-first century, robots will make our cars, process our food, vacuum our floors, select our music, manage our finances, etc. Our automobiles will in fact be robots that will tell us when there is technical difficulty. Robots will fly our planes. Impartial robots will determine the outcomes of our democratic elections. The greatest mathematicians will be robots. The best chess players will be robots. ROBOTS!

Fast forward to today, it's all true. Robots are real and they are all around us. But nobody wants to talk about it anymore. Look around you people! We are living in a bizarre futuristic robot world, but we're all numb to it! Please, I beg you, never forget that a world run by robots is creepy. From Teddy Ruxpin to your PC, they are everywhere.

Re: Davy's Sandwich Dream

Davy had an awesome dream. I have never dreamed of a sandwich, but that sounds incredible. Last night I dreamed I was protecting a little boy from a mob of people who were bent on killing him because they forsaw he would become some sort of threat later in life. It was all very epic as they had our building surrounded, and we sent a caravan of cars through the blockade and then snuck off in a different direction with the boy hiding in the back of my.....wait for it..... RED LUMINA! My old Lumina made a guest appearance in my dream. That was definitely the highlight. I think I literally laughed in the dream.



Good luck catching me in this action, suckas.

Itunes Genius Playlist

Move along Garit. You want no part in this.

A while ago Adam introduced me to the Genius feature on the new Itunes and I really dig it. Your library gets synched up with some robot in some third world country somewhere, and it spews out playlists based on a song that you select. Example, I really like the song Soma by The Smashing Pumpkins, so I select it and click the genius button and instantly I have a playlist of 25 songs from my library that were selected by the genius robot. Usually it makes a cool playlist, although I've noticed that the robot has a thing for Blind Melon, and I don't want them on my playlist. Other than that, its a great feature.

A Planner!

I bought a 5.00 planner from Walmart. I wanted to buy one of those fancy Franklin Covey planners, but I have no money, and I knew that the likelihood of myself successfully and consistently using a planner, was a serious long shot. So I am trying the cheap planner first. The planner also doubles as a notebook in which I can write down ideas, observations, and descriptions on the fly. So basically I am a 26 year old wannabe Harriet the Spy. But really it's to exercise my powers of observation, and to make myself a better writer. I got the idea from the writing book I found over the weekend. So yeah. I am poised and ready to take some crap for being the nerd with the notebook and the mini-pen, but hopefully its worth the hassle.

ORENTHAL, NO!

Now how is he supposed to find the real killers?

Just got back to Cedar.

My house is cold. Adam, I need to borrow your space heater. These next two months are going to be ass-cold. Ass-cold means really cold. Sorry to those who are offended by the pure unadulterated vulgar truth. But words like "very", "super", "extremely" just don't cut it.

Am I a terrible person?

I just experienced a strong feeling that I am too self-absorbed. Yesterday I was looking through my family's closet full of books. and I looked on the ground to see a book that caught my eye. It was "The Writer's Handbook", nearly a thousand pages on how to write, get published etc. It interested me because I've been thinking so much about writing lately. I wondered who's book it was. I had looked through this closet hundreds of times and I had never seen it. I pulled it out and read a couple chapters at random. This morning I was walking around with the book in hand and my mom saw it and smiled. I asked her if she knew where this book came from. She then proceeded to explain to me that several years ago in the early nineties she had wanted to become a children's author. She had even started on a few books until she got too busy with her five little kids. This was news to me! I was surprised because it seemed so unlike her. Then I had a moment of realization. My mom had/has dreams and hopes and plans just like I do. I just never noticed or heard about them because she has focused her life on her kids. Wow. I feel selfish. How many dreams has my mom sacrificed for me without a word of complaint? I am completely oblivious. I hope someday she finishes her books. She smiled and said she probably won't.

Utah Valley Visit.

I'm coming up this weekend. If anyone wants to hang out, let me know. Hopefully my car can make it up there. It is still suffering from the deer attack that it suffered several months ago. Anyway, I am excited to go home for the weekend and hopefully we can get something going. If I die on the way up, spread my ashes 'round the yard.

Important Thursday Events

#1- No Office. What a bummer, I have been excited for a new episode all week. I can't believe I didn't process the fact that due to the debates, There would probably be no Office. Oh well, plenty of entertainment anyway.

#2- Dodgers take the first two games of their series vs. the Cubs, at Wrigley Field. Who saw this coming? I am still pissed about Manny Ramirez quitting on the Sox. The Dodgers basically got him for free. Now they are killing the Cubs. They ended up winning 10-3 tonight.

#3- Vice Presidential Debate- I only saw parts of it, but I thought Sarah Palin did better than we expected her to. There was no meltdown. No major gaffes that I could see. I was so concerned, and it makes me realize I am more effected by the media coverage, and pop culture than I previously thought. We have been barraged with expectations of a terrible performance, but now analysts were saying she won the debate. Of course you wonder if Biden's main goal in the debate was to stay down. He had everything to lose and not a lot to gain by burying Palin. Anyway, it was less dramatic than I expected.

#4- Utah beats OSU- Utah tied OSU with a touchdown with like a 1:30 left in the fourth. Then I looked away, and when I looked back, they were kicking a field goal with 3 seconds left in the game. They won. Great news for the MWC. Now hopefully BYU will follow that up with a shutout against Utah State. BCS! BCS! BCS!

Revisiting Screamo.

Call me a wussbag, I can take it. But I have to admit something on my blog. Over the past couple of days I have been revisiting screamo music on on Rhapsody. And I really like some of it. My brother and I both agreed there is some really cool screamo, but we both wish they didn't all have the same vocal style. One can only take so much of the trademark whine. The music and the screaming though, grade A.

Mobile blogging, why wont you upload my pictures? I could be king of the blog universe.

My Novel Is Suffering.

Ever since the semester started.... Actually since my glasses snapped in half over the summer, I have fallen out of the habit of writing my novel. I really want to keep writing, but inertia has me planted firmly in place. I think both Mike and Davy know what I'm talking about. It is so easy for me to stop writing and so hard to start back up again. I am going to try to write some tonight before game 1 of Red Sox vs. Angels. HIT IT OUT OF THE PAAAHK!

The Scranton Apocalyptic Wikiup Compound

When the whole world falls apart I am going to start a new colony in the west desert. Potential sites are Scranton, maybe Ophir since it has water. We will fortify the canyon walls and build wikiup shelters out of mud, mine tailings, and juniper branches. Davy has already signed up. Any other takers? Garit, we could use your giant axehammer if you're interested.

Look what I've resorted to.

I just made the connection. Allison Sweeney is the host of Biggest Loser AND an actress on Days of Our Lives. I don't like either show, but I am watching Days of Our Lives right now and I saw a dude with a patch on his eye and I want to know why. Maybe I will start following the show to learn the mystery of the eye patch.

Blog Hangover

I believe I am experiencing a blog hangover, big time. I must have exhausted all of my creative energy to surge past Garit on the number of September posts. Now I am sitting at my computer screen, staring blankly, with absolutely nothing to blog about. I had to dig down real deep yesterday, and I am suffering for it today. Oh, wait, I think I just thought of a blog post. It might have to wait until after my math class though. Coming up next: The Scranton Apocalyptic Wikiup compound.

HELLO OCTOBER

Now that I have thoroughly pwned the month of September, I look forward to blogging you into submission as well.

NES

Super Mario 3 is harder than I remember. Maybe because I always played it with the Game Genie. I still have one of the cheat codes memorized. SXEZSKOZ. I don't remember what it does. Anyway, I got close to beating the game today, but I fell short. This was always my favorite game.

Will I Freeze To Death?

I refused to buy like 100 gallons of oil for my apartment's furnace, so my brother and I will have to survive on a space heater and layers of clothing. I guess we're doing our part to combat global warming. Hey Garit, Al Gore likes science too. Maybe you guys should talk about climate change together while you watch An Inconvenient Truth on your energy sucking projector of doom.

Well that was easy.

Barring any surprises I have just taken the lead in September blog posts. Sorry Garit, not even lame mobile blogging is a match for my blogging prowess.

I Love This Song

I know I made fun of Gretchen for this...

...But I am prepared to eat my words.
I watched an episode of "Life" after "Heroes" last night, and I really liked it. I generally hate crime/police/forensic dramas because I prefer watching real life crime shows. I am much more interested in crimes that actually occured. Anyway, I liked Life because I am a fan of Damian Lewis, who was also in Band of Brothers. His character is engaging and interesting. So Gretchen, I am sorry for bagging on Life. Although I still hate House, Gilmore Girls, and Bewitched.

I miss playing catch phrase with funny people.

I loved it when we would take as much time as we could to describe our words in the most round about way possible. I think Caleb was the king of that. Yesterday for ward FHE the group I'm in got together and played "get to know you" games. Yeah, I went because there were brownies. Anyway, they decided on playing "Homemade Catchphrase". Everyone wrote between five and ten words and put them in a bowl. Then a person had 30 seconds or so to describe as many of the words as possible. Some of my entries:

Light-mayonnaise
Marionette
High fructose corn syrup
Cat scratch post
Acid-wash jeans
Poultry

I imagined what it would have been like if it had been a group of my friends playing this game. I tried to tone my entries down because I knew most of these people wouldn't understand my humor, but I felt old when they didn't know what acid-wash jeans were. Most popular entries: tree, car, shoes. Yeah it was a real yawner, but I'd like to try it out with a more lively group.

Baby Update

My brother just informed me the baby's stats.

"stonewalljackson86: she was 5 lbs 13 oz, and 18" long and was born on Dad's 50th b-day 09/08/08

me: I AM A MAN'S MAN

and i meant the time.

stonewalljackson86: 7:50 AM

me: that's what people asked me

and i said, i am a dude, i dont worry about such things. i just cared that she was healthy."

Vice Presidential Debates

Anybody else anticipating a highly entertaining debate this Thursday? Which VP candidate is going to out-gaffe the other? This is why McCain picked Palin. If it were Romney vs. Biden on Thursday, nobody would be talking about it. As it is, I am excited to see what happens. High risk, high reward. Or classic comedy. Either way, it will be fun to watch.

Picture of my niece

My brother Derek and his wife Devin had a baby a couple of weeks ago. I had a blog entry about it, but it lacked visual proof. Here it is. She is small and cute, and she is a baby. That's all I know about her. Since I am a man's man, I have not asked when she was born, how much she weighed, or how long she was. Her name is Anisa Afton Jackson. Afton is my grandma's name. Derek tells me the baby is pissed right now.

Last night I dreampt I had superpowers.

I was using telekinesis to interrupt class. It is amazing how disruptive telekinesis is. The teacher kept giving me sour looks as I floated objects around the classroom with my mind. It really got fun when I started launching stuff. It got out of hand when I started to manipulate fire though.

Jones Soda

I really like Jones soda. I like that they use real cane sugar in their soda. Many of you may be asking yourselves, "But Dan, don't you drink diet soda?" Yes I do. Therefore let me clarify, I like that they put real cane sugar in their soda, but I don't drink it. Jones does have a couple sugar-free flavors though, one of which I have tried and am currently drinking. Black Cherry. It tastes good. Now before I get a horde of comments saying "Diet soda gives you cancer," let me stop you. I would rather live with the possibility of cancer than the inevitability of diabetes. I don't want to be one of those old people saying "Tengo diabetes." Davy knows what I am talking about.

My Old Job.

Today I saw the Moonridge Academy girls waiting for a play at the Festival. Only three of them were there when I was, but I miss those kids! I am going to make myself available on call. My school schedule conflicts with the work schedule, but maybe once in a while I can fill in for people. I need the cash flow.

Led Zeppelin IV

Does this album really need any explanation? Maybe. I like it a lot. I own it on vinyl and on cd, and I am ripping it to my computer as I sit here typing. Isn't this the album that says "My sweet Satan" when you play it backwards? I love the seventies.

Maruchan Instant Lunch

This crap is not nearly as good as regular ramen noodles. What is with the fake vegetables? Gag me. I accidentally bought these instead of real ramen, and now I am suffering the consequences. P.S. Ramen tastes amazing when you drain the water and add Tabasco. Just give it a try.

12 blog posts by the end of the day.

Is it possible? Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Only if their quality suffers greatly. But September is about quantity, not quality. 12 POSTS OR DEATH!

Mobile Blogging?

I tried to figure out how to mobile blog, but it didn't work for me. I feel very disadvantaged.

New Song

I am writing a new song entitled "Have You Got It, Yet?". It sounds really good so far. I should record stuff. I have the means, and the time. I think I'll do it after I finish writing the song. There are a few things I need to put down.

It has been a few days

My sister and some of her friends were down for the weekend. We had a good time and she brought us food, which was greatly appreciated.
On Saturday night/Sunday morning we went on a Frisco excursion. It was fun, but we didn't get back home til 6:00 am. It was killer. On the drive home I saw a super massive bull elk chilling on the side of the road. That was the highlight of the adventure for me.

R.I.P. Richard Wright, Pink Floyd keyboardist. I remember the first time I listened to Wish You Were Here, I was over at a friend's house and I was in early elementary school. I knew my friend's dad had served a mission to Japan, and my friend had tried to describe some trippy Japanese music to me. Anyway, the sound of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here", (particularly the keyboards), was such that I got it all mixed up and was thoroughly convinced that I was jamming to Japanese music. So thanks Richard Wright, for confusing me as a child.

Yeah, Right Whoopi

Be very afraid Whoopi Goldberg. After overturning Roe V. Wade, the natural leap is to re-institute the practice of slavery. What a ridiculous and outlandish statement. The only thing you will ever be a slave to is your own retarded logic.

So wanting to legislate abortion rights instead of having the courts shove it down our throats is akin to a constitutional amendment to legalize slavery? The end of slavery was legislated and ratified as part of the constitution. You are a moron for even making that connection. Shouldn't you be off making some crass Bush joke somewhere? Why is McCain on that trashy show anyway?

4.99 Papa Murphy's Large Pepperoni

I couldn't help myself. I bought a pizza. This is the last day of their promotional deal. Don't judge me. Counting Crows "This Desert Life" is a great album that I am revisiting right now. I forgot how much I like the song Speedway.

Reality of Dinner

It was good to see my Dad, and to get a bellyful of Lupita's Mexican food. He is going to buy a natural gas powered Honda Civic. It is bottom of the thirteenth inning of the Sox-Rays game. I am ready for this to be over. The Sox have stranded runners on 1st and 2nd base three innings in a row now, and I'm getting tired of sitting at my computer.

Possibility of Dinner

My dad is in town. Right now he is napping on my brother's bed. Hopefully he will take us out to eat. All I've eaten today is an apple.

Bleh France

Just what every American is dying to hear. 80% of France supports Obama. Does the other 20% support an Islamic Republic?

Garit <3 Nicholas Cage

Hey Garit are you excited about the new Nicholas Cage movie Bangkok Dangerous? It sure seems to have won the critics over. LOL

50 POSTS

50 posts in 2008. Thanks largely to my 20 posts in the first ten days of September. I may be the poster boy for inadequacy in the real world, but in the blogosphere, I pwn face.

Matt Damon's Criteria

Matt Damon's interviewed comments on Sarah Palin were HILARIOUS! Now all of a sudden Liberals are concerned about the inexperience, leadership capabilities, and the vague political positions of the Republican ticket? Just a little reality check Matt, if Democrats actually gave a crap about that then Hilary would be the democratic nominee for president. This election was "a really bad Disney movie" long before Palin was announced as the Republican candidate for VP. Do the phrases "Yes we can, Change, and Hope For America" ring a bell? These are the silly vagueries that the American left embraced months ago, when they started touting Obama as America's savior. What does any of it mean? Who cares, he's a black guy who speaks like JFK! What a great story. blah blah blah.

Also, does he really NEED to know if Sarah Palin believes that dinosaurs lived here 4,000 years ago, he wasn't quite clear enough on that. I love that this is such a terrible concern. It sounded to me that Matt Damon's most important requirement for having the nuclear codes is the correct chronology of a prehistoric species that was extinct millions of years ago. Obviously there are plenty of things to be concerned about. Foreign policy experience, economic experience, etc. FREAKING DINOSAURS! ROFL

Radiohead Live Concert

NPR All Songs Considered just released a Radiohead concert podcast. Two hours of pure unadulterated Radiohead music. And don't worry Garit, I don't think you have to listen to it on iTunes. So far it sounds really good.

Pig With Lipstick... Oops.

I will give Barack the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he was trying to say that Palin is a pig. But come on! Everybody knows that "lipstick" is a political buzzword after Palin's Republican Convention speech. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make that connection. The moment after Obama made his gaffe the crowd stood, laughed, and cheered. They obviously drew the same conclusion. So whether he meant it that way or not, he said it, and he shouldn't have. Can you blame Republicans for jumping down his throat? He basically gift wrapped it for them.

And please Obama stop trying to take the political high ground, and act offended that your comment has been taken out of context. What if McCain, while referring to Obama's call for change said something along the lines of "You can dress a monkey in a suit, but its still a monkey"? He would get murdered by the press, and the democrats would be "outraged" and "demand an apology". At the end of the day, politics is a big game. It is cutthroat. Either side will take any advantage that they can at the drop of a hat. Both sides engage in it. It is plain for everyone to see. So basically your act is transparent, old, and played.

It's Almost Election Time Again.

For all of you who are interested in following the upcoming presidential elections, I decided to post a link to the Real Clear Politics poll. It takes several of the top polls and averages them out. I knew that the Sarah Palin selection would make this an interesting election. Still, I was surprised at how much of a bounce McCain actually got from it. Here's to playoff baseball and presidential elections.

Yet Another Reason To Vote McCain

World wants Obama as president: poll

So, I am wondering when the world is going to get wise. We don't give a damn who you want as president of United States. News Flash: Americans are different than Europeans. For better or worse, your ideal government for the majority of us would be the worst thing ever. So take your secularism, and your social programs, and your aging populations, and keep doing your thing and let us do ours. I don't root for the president of France. I don't keep my eyes peeled for information on the next chancellor of Germany. So leave us alone, and we'll be there to bail you out when Russia comes knocking on your door.

God Bless America

I was feeling rather patriotic today, so I decided to reflect that in my blog. Best rendition ever.

RED GLARE!

Happy 50th Birthday, Father.

My dad has no idea that this blog exists. I am just using his 50th birthday as an excuse to write another blog. September blog #14, complete.

The Problem With NIN

Nine Inch Nails= A guilty pleasure of mine. I am a fan. However, I recognize that NIN has a time and a place. Church, for example, is not the time to rock out. Here is the problem. The majority of NIN's songs have an industrial beat, so often, unlike other alternative music, the rhythm will consist of nothing more than a series of blips, taps, ticks, or other mechanized sounds. So there I am, minding my business at church, when I start tapping on my scriptures. No biggie, just a couple of taps, kind of a nervous habit. Tap, tap, tap, tap, and before I know it, my mind has jumped into a raging rendition of Wish, from the album Broken. Anyone who knows the song, knows its not a church song. In fact, its even irreverent for a NIN song. Moral? Stop tapping on your scriptures.

It's Almost October

I can't believe its almost fall again. I think fall is my favorite season. It cools down so I can wear cool jackets. It gets nice and crisp. It is perfect adventure weather. Best of all it is the time for playoff baseball. The Sox have pretty much got their playoff spot clinched. Now it is just a question of whether or not they will take the Division or the Wild Card. I think they can pass the Rays for the division. Hopefully they do because I would prefer to face the AL Central meatball in the first round to playing against the Angels.

I remember the last time I was in Cedar City for the fall. It was 2004. There were adventures aplenty, the presidential election was heated, and the Yankees were poised to go to the world series. Down 3-0, the Red Sox stormed back 4 games in a row to defeat the Yankees and went on to sweep the Cards for their first World Series Championship since 1918. It was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. I know its hard to understand unless you're a baseball fan, but i have never been so elated. Hopefully this upcoming fall will be equally interesting. Only sans the Yankees.

To My Fans.

I am planning on performing a song of mine at open mic night down in Cedar hopefully this week. However I am unsure which song I want to perform. So I was thinking of conducting a poll among those that are familiar with my work. Well lets make it a little less formal. If you have any preferences post them here, and I'll make a decision. I'll let you know how the performance goes. If it goes.

Lightning Storms

Hey Garit, is this post better? Does this meet your criteria for a post? For all who are wondering, unless your post includes science, close-ups of braided wires, a rant on PETA, or a self-taken picture of your forehead, Garit does not consider it a true post.

How Is This News?

Algae-dyed polar bears puzzle Japan zoo visitors

I am hungry

Maybe I will make some spaghetti.

POST WAR

...Is officially on. Get ready for a whole month of worthless posts. Garit is going down.

Object: Post more in the month of September than Garit.

Birth

Crazy Uncle Dan. My brother Derek and his wife Devin just had a baby girl, Anisa Afton Jackson. She has a weird belly button in the picture they sent. Besides that she looks entirely normal. Congratulations to them. If I ever get pictures in my email I'll probably slap 'em on here. Since I'm sure my blog readers are dying to look at a picture of a baby.

Johnny Depp In A Dark Shadows Movie?!?!?!?

None of you care. I understand that. In fact I would be blown away if any of you had the slightest idea of what I am talking about. But believe me when I tell you this is the most excited I have ever been about any movie.

Dark Shadows was a TV series that originally aired from 1966-1971. It was a super low budget daytime gothic soap that centered around the cursed Collins family, who had lived on an estate in New England for hundreds of years. The main character is Barnabas Collins, a vampire who has been chained in a coffin for 195 years, and is unwittingly released by a grave robber in 1966. It also bounces back and forth in time, dealing with generations of the Collins family that are plagued by werewolves, witches, ghosts, etc.

My dad watched it as a kid, and introduced me to the reruns of it when I was like 5 years old. I still remember sneaking down to watch the reruns with my dad when they would air in the middle of the night. Later on I watched them on Scifi channel with my younger brothers and sisters. We have all always been huge fans. But it has always been sort of a secret. The story itself had some really quality moments, but it was really low budget, very campy, and very drawn out (like any soap opera). So it wasn't exactly the kind of show you brought your friends over to watch. Even so, I always knew that there were a lot of closet fans out there. In 1991 they tried to make a new Dark Shadows series that was cancelled after the first season. I thought it was dead and gone forever.

I never knew this, but in an interview with Entertainment Weekly last year, Depp stated: "When I was a kid I wanted to be Barnabas... He was super-mysterious, with that really weird hairdo and the wolf's-head cane." It has been confirmed that Johnny Depp's production company has bought the rights to make a Dark Shadows movie!!! Tim Burton is going to direct it, and it is pretty certain that Johnny Depp will play the part of Barnabas Collins. The story that I have secretly loved since I was five is now going to be a freaking blockbuster. It is so weird.

Johnny Depp will make a killer vampire.

Truly Disturbing

Pepperoni, anyone? I like that the pig looks so conflicted. It's how anyone would feel if they were asked to give the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good. This pig is a true hero. Why don't they make advertisements like they used to? The Victorian period was truly the golden age for disturbing advertisements.

Ghostwriter

Roll call- All readers who had a crush on Lenni on Ghostwriter in the early 90's please make it known here. The other day I was fooling around on Youtube and I remembered a certain episode where Lenni writes a song entitled, "You Gotta Believe". Ghostwriter helps come up with the lyrics, and then it becomes a hit and she shoots a music video with the help of her friends.



Cool, huh? I remember I was a big-time Lenni fan. So after watching this video a few days ago I decided to do some searching and find out what Lenni is doing today. She was played by the actress Blaze Berdahl. Naturally I first checked imdb. Unfortunately it didn't show a lot of recent work. So was Blaze just a flash in the pan? Is she just another former child star that quickly faded into obscurity? I had to be sure. I googled her name, and made a spectacular discovery. For all of you who don't care, just know there is a special place in hell reserved for you. Anyway, I find a website http://www.blazeberdahl.net/ and I click on it in eager anticipation. There I find out she does voice work: Commercials, advertisements, radio spots, audio books and such. Anything I'd know, you ask? BET YOUR LIFE! She is the voice of the Swiffer Duster commercial. HOW COOL IS THAT? I've heard Lenni a thousand times and I never knew. Oh yeah, she also does a bunch of stuff for HGTV, MTV, and FUSE.

Case closed. And I didn't even need a floating ghostly orb apparition with an affinity for words to help me along the way. Google is the new Ghostwriter.

I broke a guitar string.

Jobs are so hard to find in Cedar City. I give up. I am currently a self-employed novelist. I like the sound of that, but there's not much money in writing a mediocre fantasy novel at a snail's pace. I was hoping to perform some of my songs soon at the local coffeehouse, but one of my guitar strings snapped. Now what? Where are my priorities? Food or strings? This is a tough one.

One of the best feelings in the world is sticking it to the bookstore, by the way. I walked into my american indian class today surrounded by people who paid like 50 bucks for a used book. I basked in my glory as I stared down at my slightly worn copy of the same book with a well-placed pink 1$ sticker on the cover. BOOM SHAKA LAKA!

3-2-1 CONTACT

This intro music is so cool. It just popped into my head this morning. It is amazing the kind of stuff I remember from my childhood. The part on the trampoline and the apple getting sliced are ingrained in my head forever. I don't know why.

MY BLOG IS PINK

But that does not mean I won't punch every last one of you in the teeth.

But honestly I won't.... my blog is still pink.

I am 26 now, and I feel really weird and old, but young at the same time. Honestly it's a strange sensation that I can't explain, except that despite the weirdness of it I am actually feeling really good right now. Better than I have in a long time. It must be my Hitler Nazi Germany history class. Seriously though, it is good to have a roommate again. I was explaining to my brother last week that it was weird to have someone around me again. This whole summer I think I got a little cabin fever. It was only after I had someone around that I realized how strange I was. I kept bursting into song out of nowhere, and making jokes and laughing at myself and stuff. Anyway, lock your doors at night.

Besides the fact that I am unemployed in the world's most difficult place to get a job, I am really looking forward to this semester. Good classes, great company, and internet at my house again finally.

PINK BLOG

I Think I Am a Stalker... Or a Twelve-Year-Old Girl... Oh, Also a Brilliant Political Strategist

So I have a crush on a girl down here in Cedar but I've never talked to her before. So I found her blog through some mutual friend of a friend of a friend networking, and I read it. Am I a stalker? Am I a weird teenage girl? Please tell me I didn't just turn 26 today and I'm sneaking around blogs trying to find out about some girl I've never talked to. Man I am creepy.

By the way, no matter what Caleb tells you, I called McCain being the republican nomination after the Iowa caucuses, and I called the Sarah Palin VP pick a couple of days ago. So on top of being a creepy teenage girl trapped in a man's body, I am also a brilliant political analyst. I think Palin was a good pick btw. I don't know if McCain will win, but it sure made the race interesting. Oh and please be honest with me. If you thought Sarah Palin looked like a hot secretary during the VP announcement, then please admit it in the comments here. I am in no way trying to devalue her as a person or as a political candidate, I just think she looked like a hot secretary and I liked it. This blog is about honesty.

For All You Apple-philes Out There...

Adam introduced me to the band Grandaddy, and I really liked the music video for the song "Jed's Other Poem (Beautiful Ground)" The song is pretty cool, I like the effects. Anyway, watch this music video to see the only Apple Computer I would ever consider owning. If you own this computer you are really cool. If you own any other Apple Computer you are a fan boy and a bandwagoner. So good luck with that. By the way Garit, Linux sucks as well. NASA uses Windows. Without further ado, I give you a cool music video:

Threadless Designs

So my cousin Ken and I are collaborating on a little project... He is a great artist. Graduated from VanArts art school in Vancouver Canada. Anyway. I have the type of clever, witty, pop culture/word play imagination to come up with killer Threadless T-shirt designs. So here's the deal. I come up with an idea or a concept and Ken executes it with his mad art skillz. He gets paid, I get free T-shirts. I am like the weird little African bug eating bird that chills out on the back of the artsy wildebeest.

We haven't made any submissions as a team yet, but he's working on some of my ideas. I will keep you all posted.

busy busy busy busy busy etc.

Some people get to do ATV tours for a job... Some people get family and friends... We all get something right?

I am ready for school to begin again and be close to my friends Kid AJ and Jebediah and also I am excited to share an apartment with my brother Thom. Yes that is with an "H". It was my only stipulation when I agreed to call him by his middle name. So Thom and Dhan will be living the college life down in Cedar for a semester. I'm not sure what I'm going to do after that. He's moving back up for a mission. I might move back up too. But I have plenty of time to decide that this semester.

Goal for upcoming semester: Visit abandoned polygamist compound in remote area north west of Cedar City.
Related Goal: Don't get murdered.

Authorship

I am writing a fantasy novel. It's actually coming along well. When I am a New York Times Bestselling author I won't remember any of you.

My Glasses Snappend In Half

I had to buy some new glasses because a tree punched me in the face.

Good Riddance Manny Ramirez.

Batman was amazing. "Want to see a magic trick?" LOL