May God have mercy on my soul.

Back in November when I was still living in Cedar City, I was issued a speeding ticket. The circumstances were questionable at best. I was going 40 in a 30, on my way out of town, fully believing that the speed limit was 40. By the time I was pulled over I had already passed the 50 MPH sign outside of town. That being said, I have come to expect a ticket every time I am pulled over.

Officers hate me. Why, you ask? I am friendly, helpful, respectful, and apologetic. A model citizen. I am also male, college aged, and long-haired. So basically I might as well be riding in a white Bronco with bloody floorboards.
I accepted my ticket with as much disdain as I could get away with, and continued down the highway. I was determined to fight this ticket to the end.

I went to the courthouse and entered my plea of NOT GUILTY anticipating a speedy hearing. A month passed and I moved back north. Another month passed and I called the courthouse to find out what was going on. Finally I received a letter in the mail, informing me that my court date was set for 3/5/09, over four months after my traffic violation.

For the next two months I debated whether or not to drive the six hour round trip. I would miss work and school without any guarantee that I wouldn't be paying the 80 dollar fine anyway. Finally, the day before the scheduled hearing, I began to feel true remorse for the terrible infraction that I had committed. I had a change of heart. I called the courthouse to formally change my plea.

The receptionist told me that they needed my plea in writing. I sat at my work computer with a heavy heart, ashamed at my wanton disrespect for the laws of this great land. I pressed my hands to the keyboard and slowly let my soul spill out into a Microsoft Word document. I immediately felt the burden of my crimes being lifted as I began typing:

"I, Daniel Jackson hereby change my plea to GUILTY for the traffic violation with which I am charged. May God have mercy on my soul."

As I carefully attached my signature to this solemn document and dialed in the Iron County Justice Center fax number, I had a distinct feeling that He would. He would.

exit hibernation

This winter blog-sleep is slowly falling from my eyes.

I am coming out of blog-tirement.

After October's epic showdown I lost a whole lot of steam and I had take a hiatus to renew the joy of blogging in my soul.

Now I am back in full force.

Last week Branden, Kevin, Tom, David Jay and I were all congregated in the hall of flags. Yes, I have a hang-out group in the infamous hall of flags. We watched as several communications students attempted to conduct an experiment using chairs as barriers. As people approached the roadblock, if you will, the students would document their various reactions. Every several minutes some tool would walk by and make a scene by going against the grain and pushing through the chairs. Could we sit by and let the test be conducted, unmolested? I say, we could not. First David Jay stormed through the chair barrier, crashing through rows and rows of chairs. upon reaching the final row, he grabbed a chair and spun it around so it faced the opposite direction. He continued straight to class. Then five minutes later Kevin walked through, picked up a chair, carried it to the end of the hall and slammed it down loudly. By then Branden and I were laughing so hard we couldn't participate, we had totally blown our cover. I hope our efforts are included in the experimental results.

The Move

I hate moving. Why do I do it so much? This is my last post from Cedar City. We should be finished here by early afternoon. I think I just barely passed math 1050. Before the final I was honestly hovering at 70.3% so hopefully I got at least a C on the final... or I will be dropping out of school forever. See everyone up there. I can feel the gridlock traffic already.

SCIENCE HOVER RIDERS!

There is only a week of school left and I will be moving back up north to finish at UVU. The benefits will be numerous.

#1- Employment
#2- Family
#3- Friends
#4- Post-rock band
#5- Record/perform solo project
#6- Wait for it... Join a biker gang.

Davy's frequent references to restoring or converting old bikes has rekindled my bikelust. On my mission I built myself a bike during my spare time after my bike was stolen... twice. I learned quite a bit about bike mechanics during that little foray. Now I want to build the ultimate commuter. Well today marked a big step. I was down in St George picking up some stuff from my cousin, Ken, and I made a stop at DI... Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my latest purchase:



15 dollars later, I am the proud owner of a 1974 Schwinn Varsity.



The original seat is in pretty good condition.



It comes complete with a non-functioning speedometer which I hope to salvage



...also a Salt Lake bicycle license decal and a kickstand




I am trying to decide now whether to convert it to a one speed or to restore it to its ten speed glory. SCIENCE HOVER RIDERS LIVE!

I'm Listening to Pet Sounds

I love pop music. I love sixties album art. I love goats. I love groundbreaking production. I love Pet Sounds.

POLITICS. DUN! DUN! DUN!

Caleb and I have started a political blog called Nation Before Party.

Today we just posted our first piece. It was a joint endeavor. I encourage you all to check it out, and let us know what you think. WOO! Just do it.

I Bought Basketball Shoes

LOL. Yes, it sounds ridiculous to me too. They were on clearance, and I want to get in better shape. They're even fancy and space age-looking. So I bought some shoes and a pair of shorts. Now I am officially an athlete. On an unrelated note, I broke another guitar string.

OH NO THE WORLD IS GOING TO END

Wait. No it isn't. Washington is too broken and prone to stagnancy for that kind of drastic change. Crawl back from your ledges people, the American people has spoken, the Dems have cleaned house, and now we will all learn why "change" is easier said than done. Welcome to the White House, Obama! Now lets see if your campaign promises hold up as well as Bush's did. *snicker*

The Dust Settles

I've paid my dues -
Time after time -
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I've come through

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortuen and everything that goes with it
-
I thank you all -

But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose -

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world

Adrenaline

I won't lie to you guys. While I was posting the epic blog bomb of the century I was shaking like a leaf. Adrenaline is a crazy thing. I would make a terrible assassin, but an excellent blogger.

Leonardo

Are we all in agreement that Leonardo is the lamest Ninja Turtle? He always came across as bossy, and a total kill joy. It is too bad that he also had the coolest weapons. Yet notice he never used them. What a total wuss

South Texas #3: The Goose

Once I was tracting in a secluded forested area. The whole area had an eerie, almost ghost town-ish feel to it. I came to a home with a fence and gate. It looked like any south Texas home. Burglar bars, frame house sitting on cinder blocks, a metallic plaque displaying the family name and a Virgin of San Juan reference, all signs of a regular household. I opened the gate and started walking toward the house. As a missionary you grow used to keeping an eye out for dogs. Especially in south Texas, where you have to deal with a disproportionate number of pit bulls. I was wary as always, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. As I neared the porch, from the side of the house, screaming like Satan himself, came a giant goose waddling full bore with its great demon wings outstretched. I squealed like a girl and bolted for the safety of the gate, reaching it just in time to escape the goose's snapping beak. I stood there with my companion for a moment, quietly contemplating the goose that was still honking for blood. Then, with heads hung low, we continued on to the next house.

The goose who stopped the gospel.

South Texas #2: Cocaine

In my first area I remember knocking on some doors in a neighborhood and speaking with a woman who asked us to meet with her husband when he came home from work.

We obliged and showed up late in the evening after he had returned. From the moment we saw him we knew he was really really wasted. I had dealt with drunk people before, but this guy seemed super drunk, plus. It didn't seem normal. Quickly realizing that he was in no condition to hear a discussion, we offered to come back later. As the three of us stood outside in the man's driveway, he stuck his hands in his pockets and something small fell out. Curious, I watched with a smile as my companion skillfully made a stealthy foot movement and covered the object with his shoe. I quickly drew the conversation to a close and my companion bent down and picked up the object.

Dying in anticipation, we started running down the street to our car. (I wasn't known for my quiet dignity) We turned on the dome lamp and my companion opened up his hand. In his palm rested a small coin sized bag of cocaine. LOL. It was getting late so we went to McDonald's, bought some Big Macs, and then took the cocaine home with us. After taking some pictures <---(Bad idea, but hey I was nineteen.) We then flushed the cocaine down the toilet.

South Texas #1: June

Davy mentioned some sodas he drank on his mission and this led me to reminisce about a couple of amusing mission stories of my own.

The first I will mention was the June saga. June was a stuffed animal duck which I incidentally took from a box of toys that were supposed to go to poor kids. I named her after the Smashing Pumpkins song, Rhinocerous, off of the album Gish. "I should go, see you in June." Mine and June's relationship quickly blossomed and we started dating. A stuffed duck was your live-in girlfriend on your mission, you ask? Simply stated, yes.

After my mission apartment was burglarized twice, my companion, June, and I were forced to move in with the two other missionaries in our district. The stress of the situation clearly got to June and she began to withdraw. One night when I returned home late from a long day of proselyting, I saw june, hanging, from a rope fashioned with polyester ties. She left a note, accusing me of being distant, and of having unrealistic expectations. It was a low point in our relationship. Thankfully I was able to revive her, and although we have grown apart, we still remain good friends.

Oaths

Through out my youth I took a series of oaths. To this day I have kept them religiously. I still remember several of them.

#1- In junior high I was a big soda drinker. One day I was drinking Surge from a wide-mouth can. As a joke, I poked my tongue into the can and accidentally sliced it open. I threw the can to the ground angrily and in my wrath I swore I would never drink Surge from a can again.

#2- Also in junior high during the Titanic craze I swore I would never watch that movie all the way through. I left the possibility of watching the boat-sinking scenes open.

#3- In high school, after a coke machine repeatedly ate my money, I swore I would never buy coke from the Lehi High School vending machines again. I went to great lengths to keep this oath, by asking others to buy the soda for me, or driving to Chevron to get my fix.

Cinderblock Carries Sound

I learned this the hard way a couple weeks ago when I woke up at four in the morning to the sound of hammering. My neighbor keeps some weird hours. I guess he felt the need to nail some crap into his walls in the middle of the night. I pounded on the wall as hard as I could, and soon he grew silent. Thankfully since then the hammer has remained silent.

I Don't Get It #6: Crime Dramas

I hate them. Why do you have to litter a crime drama with inaccuracies, when real true crime stories are more than fascinating enough. This is my beef with action movies too. The more realistic it is, the better in my opinion. I can't sit through five minutes of these shows before I am compelled to leave the room. I will never understand why most people prefer fake crime dramas to the real crime stories.

Here is a little website I found that points out CSI factual inaccuracies.

I Don't Get It #5: Paying For Smallness

A television is a television. A big screen is a big screen. A computer monitor is a computer monitor. A phone is a phone, and a laptop is a laptop.

I will pay for functionality. I will never, ever, ever, ever pay extra for something smaller. Clunky doesn't bother me. I will never understand why people are willing to pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars more for something that is slightly smaller, or more "streamlined" than something else. I can imagine a few scenarios when smaller size would serve a function, like an ipod shuffle for a jogger, but few that are worth a whole lot of extra money. Yet every time they come out with a new bit of electronics it's SMALLER. OOOOH, AHHH. Give me a break! Give me a better product. Give me better features. I may not buy it right away, (because buying brand new electronics is stupid and expensive,) but I will buy it. Try to sell me on a smaller model, and I will hate you forever.

I Don't Get It #4 Magic Eye

When I was in elementary school these were all the rage. However, I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that never once in my life have I been able to see the hidden images. I have been ostracized and excluded ever since, and it is all largely because of this. Therefore, it definitely goes on the list of things that I do not get.