I'm A Red Vine Mule

Yesterday I went to a movie with Garit, Mark, Jen, and Ben Tuttle. On the way to the theater, I stopped at the Maverik to pick up some Red Vines. You must understand however that for guys, sneaking candy into the theater is no small feat. Women have purses that they can easily use to smuggle in contraband, but men have no such luxury.

I remember a particular candy smuggling incidence quite fondly. A couple years back a group of us guys(I can't remember everyone in the group)decided to hit a dollar movie. We went to the grocery store next door and each bought a pound of candy from the bulk bins. We were then presented with the age old question, "How can guys effectively sneak candy into a movie theater." Quickly, we formulated a plan. We each hung a bag of candy down the front of our pants, banking on the fact that if a ticket taker noticed an unnatural bulge in our nether regions, they wouldn't call us out. Awkward? Yes. Juvenile? Definitely. Effective? Quite. As I recall, my pants were slightly tighter than everyone elses, and without a jacket to provide cover, my bulge was a little more pronounced. Still, our mission was a success and we enjoyed a cornucopia of gummy treats.

So back to yesterday. I picked up my Red Vines, and made my way to the theater. There was only one problem. My pants were kind of short on crotch space so I had to improvise. Thankfully I was wearing a jacket, and was able to tuck the bag of candy into the back of my shirt, and the jacket hid any noticable protrusions. I just had to shuffle around because if I moved too quickly the plastic crinkled. In short, I am an expert theater candy mule.