100

I am the Greek God of blogging. This is what I look like. Prostrate yourselves before me, mere mortals. I am your Blog.

Little Heater

I bought a little heater with a built in thermostat. The problem is I think the thermostat is all wacked out. So I have a fan blowing on it to keep the air circulating. Hopefully that will make it more accurate. I will keep the pipes from freezing, and I will do it on my own terms!

I Want A Dog

I want a dog. Specifically an Australian Shepherd. I would take it mountain biking. I would take care of it. Shut up, I would. I would even let it sleep on my bed and shed its fur on my sheets. What are lint brushes for?

My computer is self destructing. This puts me at an extreme disadvantage in the blog war. No matter. I will post from the low places of the earth.

Sonic Commercials Are Funny and Clever

My favorite from this compilation is the Raspberry Iced Tea commercial. "May I sub-respond before you finish?"

The World is Going to Hell

A 20-year-old girl got jumped and then when the robber saw her McCain bumper sticker he carved a "B" in her face with a knife. Sounds a lot like the elections Weimar Germany had before democracy failed. Polarization, inconclusive elections, financial crisis, dissatisfied public, check, check, check, check. Now throw in intimidation. Scranton Apocalyptic Wikiup Compound, here we come.

Rhapsody Sucks

I have hated it since I started using it off and on four years ago. It gives me problems as often as not. Does anyone know of a legal, less infuriating alternative?
If not, I will be forced to continue its use.

Steal A Base, Steal A Taco

Best promotion ever, hands down. Look at the name of it. So simple, so tasty, so completely random. My friends, I am going to do you a favor, because I'm sure none of you are watching the World Series. This is the second year of the Taco Bell promotion, giving everyone in America a free taco if somebody steals a base in the World Series. Well, it happened yesterday. Somebody stole a base, now you get to steal a taco. Brilliant.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Steal A Base, Steal A Taco.

Walmart Fish

I was in line to return a wireless card in Walmart today, when I saw something unusual. In front of me stood a woman with a shopping cart. There in the cart sat two bags filled with water and small fish. After focusing for a moment I realized that one of the fishes were dead. The woman had come to get a refund for a dead fish. Suddenly a man appeared. He was dressed in cowboy garb from head to toe, complete with a large brimmed cowboy hat. He had a great thick mustache, waxed to a point on the ends. Standing next to the woman and the cart, he turned to notice me staring at the dead fish with a grin across my face. His explanation: "We've come to collect on his funeral policy."

Jelly Belly's and Germophobes

Over the weekend I visited my former/future employer in Pleasant Grove. (When I move back north I will be working there again) They have a candy stash now! They never had that when I was there. They just had various crackers and bars that tasted like old cardboard. Now they have Jelly Belly's. However, in order to get some candy I have to pour it into a cup instead of grabbing a handful. What a conundrum! Manhood or candy? Of course I chose the candy.

No Heat Experiment Update

My landlords changed the wording in their contract specifically because of me. Now it says that I am responsible for the damage if the pipes explode. The pipes haven't frozen yet, nor will they, but I guess my landlords aren't as confident. I just thought it was funny that they put an updated contract with that part underlined in my mailbox.

Game #1 World Series tonight.

Did you think that just because my team is out, I would stop watching baseball? You are gravely mistaken. The rest of America besides a couple hundred retirees in St. Petersburg, and all the unemployed people in Philadelphia, may have stopped watching baseball, but I will not. I'm not really rooting for anyone in particular, I just want a good series. Either way it will be a great story.

Tampa Bay was the worst team in the AL last year. They haven't been to the playoffs in their history (1998-Present)

The Phillies have only won the world series once in their team history (since 1883) and that was in 1980.

Math Test Results.... No Longer Pending

77/85

I am satisfied with my test results. Too bad I just found out in all of my math-induced panic, I forgot about a book review that was due today in my US Indian History class. I haven't even read a book yet. I guess I'll just hand it in late. for a 10% hit. I am an awesome student.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Over the weekend there was an "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" marathon on Nickelodeon or something. My brother turned it on and we stayed tuned in for a few minutes for old times sake. We were rewarded for our nostalgia when we saw a super-youthful Ryan Gosling playing the part of a boy who must save his kid brother from death, when the grim reaper mistakes him for an old man. It was just about the highlight of the weekend. Seeing as "Notebook" was one of my all-time favorite movies, I was thrilled.

Simple Solution.

Garit says he hates dogs. Would he like them more if they were wearing... Drum roll please... Dog diapers?

Weezer Playing Sliver. No, Not Silver.

Weezer has been playing Nirvana's Sliver on their current tour. I think Weezer does a good Nirvana cover. They performed a whole show of Nirvana covers a while back under the name Goat Punishment.

Jus-4-Kids Preschool

Are you joking? I hope that whoever enrolls their kids in that school gets hounded by CPS forever. You are a school! Just because its for babies doesn't mean that you should misspell your name. YOU ARE A SCHOOL. KAN KUN Mexican Restaurant thinks you have an awful name. UGH. I can't get over it.

Wireless Internet.

I just bought a new wireless card and I think its even crappier than the first one. At least it hasn't disconnected on me in the first 10 minutes. Even if the signal is super-low.

SOX LOSE

Red Sox lost game 7, 3-1. Congratulations to the Rays. They earned this, and now I have an ulcer. I am excited for them though. Last season they had the worst record in the American League. Now they are the American League Champions. You can't help but be happy for them. We'll get them next year.

IQ Test

My Dad is a smart man. Many of you may not have met him, but he is very intelligent. Sometimes, however, his mind forgets. I walked up to him as he sat at the computer and noticed that he was completing one of those fake IQ tests that advertise stuff. Not even close to a real IQ test. Anyway, so that was mistake number one. I looked on the screen to see the following question: "Which of the following is NOT a primary color?" My Dad then sang an interesting rendition of a popular children's song, "The primary colors are 1-2-3 red, yellow, and green." My eyes widened. Those aren't the primary colors. What capped off the bizarre spectacle was when my dad then proceeded to click "RED" and then got mad, "I meant to click blue!" Wow. I didn't have the heart to correct him at first, but I figured it was better if it came from me than one of his business associates or clients. "The primary colors are red, yellow, and BLUE." Then I laughed and laughed as he sat in stunned silence.

Pedding

For a long time now, Branden and I have had a running joke about the most embarrassing thing you could confess to your bishop. A couple of years ago I came up with the most memorable one so far:

"Bishop, I messed up really bad... I went out fishing, and I caught a really nice fish, and I reeled it in, painted a bikini on it, and made out with it."

Yeah it was really weird, but we're weird people. I'm sure you're all aware of that. Anyway, yesterday we came up with something along the same lines as we drove home from Randy's Records: Pedding.

Confessor says, "Bishop, I pedded.... No, no, not petted, pedded. Didn't you notice the "D" sound? It means doing something sensual with your feet. Ped, as in latin for feet."

Bishop then asks, "Shoes on or off?"

Confessor quickly replies, "Shoes off, but I did have socks on. I didn't want to transmit any Foot Transmitted Diseases like athletes foot."

Yeah, I completely understand if you all decide to stop reading my blog after this post. We made ourselves laugh anyway.

Technical Difficulties

I just thought of something noteworthy about the Red Sox game. The first 20 minutes of the game weren't shown due to technical difficulties. Instead, we were treated to a rerun of The Steve Harvey Show. Thanks TBS! I'm sure Red Sox fans all over the country were beside themselves. We missed Tampa Bay's first run in the bottom of the first. The Steve Harvey Show? Come on.

Randy's Records

Branden and I went to Salt Lake to Randy's, and were rewarded for our intuition. I just had a feeling that I needed to go, and it turned out that yesterday was one of their dollar sales, so I ended up getting several records. Allow me to list them:

#1- Elton John- Blue Moves
#2- Wings- Wings Across America
#3- Heart- Little Queen
#4- Eagles- One Of These Nights
#5- Steely Dan- Can't Buy A Thrill
#6- Steve Miller Band- Fly Like An Eagle
#7- Crosby, Stills & Nash- Self Titled
#8- Cheap Trick- at Budokan
#9- Everly Brothers- 2 Record Set
#10- Ambrosia- Life Beyond L.A.

This record run was a raging success, and I'd like to thank all those who made it possible.

One More Game

Red Sox won game six last night. Game seven is tonight at 6 on TBS. It is a miracle that they've made it to this point, but with Lester on the mound, they should be able to pull off the nearly-impossible comeback!

Thanks to my dad for calling me with updates from the seventh inning on, while I made a feeble attempt to be sociable.

Once

This was a really cool movie. Thanks to Adam for introducing it to me. It is the story about a busker in Ireland who meets a Lithuanian(?) immigrant and they write and perform some really good music together. It is an indie film and is rated R for a bunch of Irish F-words, but it is never obscene. Even so, some of you might want to keep an eye out for the soundtrack instead. The lead actors are Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová. They are a couple in real-life. He is the front man for the Irish alternative band, The Frames and they have a band together called The Swell Season. They actually wrote the songs in the movie. It's cool because you can sense their chemistry, and also their love of the music they are performing. In short it is a really good indie musical with an Oscar winning soundtrack. Give it a listen.

Randy's Records vs. Groovacious

I am going up to Randy's today to check out some records. It has been a while since I went to Randy's, so I'm excited to see the selection, and compare it to Groovacious, the record store down in Cedar City. I'll let you know my final verdict on which is better after I get back.

FL Studios

I have a program called FL Studios, or Fruity Loops. You make music with it, using samples and synth programs and what not. I own it, but I am terrible at using those kinds of programs. My brother however, has a natural knack for these types of things, and he's done a few songs in the past couple of days. How do you post music on here? I'd like to give you all a sample of what he's done.

Note to self: stay as far away from kan kun mexican restaurant in beaver as humanly possible. Worst name ever.

Why do people drink massive amounts of soda on road trips? Isnt that counterproductive? I thought the goal was to got to the destination asap. Not stop 5x.

Blogging from the passenger seat... I may not have picture mobile blogging. But i can text all the way to utah valley. Im feeling a bit car sick though.

Drive North

Well I'm about to head out the door. It will be good to get out of Cedar for a few days. My blog may suffer, but I plan on entering in a few entries here and there. If I crash on the way up, I want Davy to blog my epitaph.

Moonridge Graduation

I just went to the graduation for one of my Moonridge Girls. She seems to be doing really well. I hope the world doesn't suck her back down. Some of the girls permanently change for the better, and some fall right back in. It was weird when I walked in the door, I immediately became vigilant again. That job required so much focus, I honestly think it was good for me. I haven't had to concentrate like that, before or since.

Cat Spirit

A cat keeps sticking its face in my door. I think it is an Indian spirit. My brother keeps trying to lure it in with bits of food. It is much too smart. It plays him like a fool. It comes just close enough to get his hopes up and then turns away. I want to set a trap for it, and force it back into its human form.

Historical Figure Post #1: Tecumseh

Tecumseh was a Shawnee Indian, born in the south, before the tribe was forced northward into the Ohio River Valley by white expansion in the south. He is considered by many historians as the greatest Pan-Indian leader in history. He was very unique in that he considered himself Indian first, Shawnee second. This was very different than the attitude of most Indian leaders. Unfortunately for them, they lacked the perspective needed to form a Pan-Indian movement, and thus whites were able to divide and conquer.

My 4th Great-Grandfather was a settler in frontier Indiana during the Indian conflicts in the Ohio River Valley around the turn of the 18th century. He was murdered by Indians who attacked his homestead in front of his family. I feel bad for him, but I feel worse for the Indians. Where had they originated? Maybe the east coast? For generations they were pushed west. I can't blame them for fighting back.

Random Thought:

I wonder if Comet ever bit one of the Olsen twins on the set of Full House. Why don't they ever put savage rabid dogs on sitcoms? They are always so docile and boring. Every time Comet came on the screen I got the acute sense that he was drugged. Real-life dogs don't act like that.

65 All

This blog battle has reached titanic proportions. You are a worthy opponent, Davy. It will be a pleasure to crush your will to blog forever.

Ronco Food Dehydrator

As a kid I watched this infomercial over and over again. The Food Dehydrator was making dried fruit, and fruit leather, and Ron Popeil made such a big deal out of the fact that there were no preservatives. In fact, to this day I remember his rule of thumb. If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it. These were all nice little selling points, but the kicker, the part of the infomercial that made my mouth water, was when he made jerky. I wanted one of those things so bad. Funny thing was, my mom ended up buying one. The Dehydrator lost its magic allure really quick. My mom just didn't have Ron Popeil's flair. Nobody does.

INSTANT WIN

I just won a free breakfast sandwich from a monopoly piece off of a water cup. I'm working the system... That's okay, they owe me. A couple years ago I devoted a lot of energy into trying to win McDonald's Monopoly and I got nothing. Karma's a b@#$% Ronald, deal with it.

Longboarders *snicker*

So there are a lot of dudes that ride around SUU campus on longboards. It is getting ridiculous. Notice that you never see actual skateboarders riding on them. They're always the popped collar bros that try to lure girls with the prospect of teaching them to longboard. besides the occasional eye roll I have no real problem with them, except for two annoying situations.

#1 Trying to do tricks on the main thoroughfare through campus. Yesterday I had to slow my gait to avoid walking into some moron doing a handstand on a slow-moving longboard. If anyone is impressed, you deserve each other. May you have several dim-witted longboarding children.

#2 Trying to ride full speed through crowds of students in between classes. I have lost count of how many times I've seen a longboarder nearly clip an unsuspecting person. If I see it actually happen I hope they ban boards from campus, because it is dangerous and stupid.

LOOOOOOONG ELECTION

Davy brings up a good point, and since he stole my McDonald's idea, I will expound my feelings on one of his blog topics. The election season is so long! I had become really disenchanted with politics over the last several years, sort of a love hate relationship, and I was sure that this election I wouldn't allow myself to get all caught up like I was in '04. During the primaries, however, I started to get that buzz again. It was interesting and fresh and I was learning about several different candidates. Months and months and months later.... I am tired of politics again. The debates are a joke. I haven't learned anything of substance about either candidate for months. Obama has some vague connection to an old domestic terrorist named Ayers. McCain has an affinity for a man named Joe the plumber. Riveting. You have to wonder about the people who are still undecided at this juncture. Where have you been? Do some homework, or don't vote, please. The whole process feels so drawn out and beaten to death right now. One way or the other, end it, please. Is this election season longer than past ones? Caleb, that question was for you.

Letterman Hasn't Been Funny in Years

I used to like Letterman. Now I think he is an ornery, disdainful, elitist, political hack. Unlike Leno, who I believe is super-classy and professional, Letterman wears his lame Hollywood liberalism on his sleeve. Hey Dave, it's middle America talking. You suck, big time.

http://www.politico.com/blogs/michaelcalderone/1008/McCain_to_Letterman_I_screwed_up.html

It was unfortunate to hear that McCain groveled at the feet of that tool-bag. Going on Letterman's show was the worst idea the McCain campaign has had since they stuck him on The View. What a debacle. Whoopi Goldberg is an idiot.

Well, I caved.

I just went on a late night McDonald's run. I was feeling it, there's no other way to explain it. I justified the inevitable digestive discomfort with the possibility of material for several more blog posts.

Pain + discomfort + awkwardness = Blog Gold

Stop Copying Me

I hate that I have been slaving over the keyboard, wringing my brain for topics to post on and then Davy swoops down and steals my topics. McDonald's is my topic. Are we really going there Davy? because I can start stealing your blogs too. Then where does that leave us? It leaves us with identical blogs.

Unrelated side note: I want to make an eleven o' clock cheeseburger run, but I know I'll pay for it. Advice for anyone who actually reads these, McDonald's before bedtime is always a bad idea... and yet.

A Possible Adventure With a Ticking Clock.

Down by St. George out in the desert, Bloomington Cave beckons me. It is a fault line cave formation as opposed to the lava tubes that are in the area. It is over a mile long. It doesn't require repelling or ropes. It is still open... For now. According to a website I read, some spelunking society will be gating it some time next month. I must go and conquer, while I still can.

Jerk, or Baseball Fan? Both?

I was at the laundromat earlier today, and I was watching the Red Sox game on the laundromat TV. Dice-K had just given up two runs to start the game, so I was obviously unhappy. There was a girl there doing her laundry. We were alone, and it was a little awkward. She went out to smoke a cigarette. When she came back in she tried to strike up a conversation and I shut her down. Am I a bad person? It's the playoffs man! She asked "Having fun?" and I replied "Watching baseball." I am going to die alone. That sealed it.

RED SOX WIN! 8-7

They were down 7-0 and they came back to tie it in the eighth, and won it on an error and a ground rule double in the ninth! Now it's back to Tampa for game six! GO SOX!

Call Me Disgusting

I have a special affinity for McDonald's Double Cheeseburgers. Their whole dollar menu is so cheap. Its a gamble health-wise, taste-wise and otherwise, but I am poor, and I like unhealthy food. I am the guy that ate a whole Little Caesar's pizza WHILE watching Super-Size Me, the documentary about the dangers of fast food. There, I admitted it. I am disgusting.

RAYS AND SOX TIED @ 7!

It's not ovaaaah! I freaking love baseball. Now if only a Red Sox pitcher could keep the Rays hitters in the yard.

OVERRATED

Sad, sad BYU. So much for a BCS bowl bid. Now they're going to have to claw their way to a MWC championship. I was rooting for the Y, but I always thought they were a bit too high in the polls. This reaffirms that suspicion. Oh well Papi just hit a homer its Rays 7 Sox 4 in the top of the 8th. There is a ray of hope. No pun intended.

Showbiz Pizza

Do you remember how cool Showbiz Pizza was? Why do kids think creepy things are so fun? This commercial made me scream out loud. The whole commercial seems really out of control and violent. The two mouse robots at :19 seconds move their heads simultaneously, and then the bear drowns the boy in the ball pit that smells like dirty socks. Not my idea of an enjoyable dining experience. The song should go like this: "SHOWBIZ PIZZA, WHERE A BEAR DROWNS YOU IN BALLS!"

De-loused in the Comatorium

Man, I love this album. It is Mars Volta's first album, and in my opinion, their best. Give it a listen, but most of you won't like it. Cedric Bixler's lyrics are really impressionistic, and hard to decipher, and if you manage it then you'll probably be creeped out by the story he's telling. There's a lot of complex songs in there, and not a lot of radio-friendly material, but several moments in the album are jaw-dropping.

I am Job

I am pretty sure there are divine and/or diabolic forces orchestrating this perfectly awful night. The Red Sox are in the process of being shutout in their elimination game, The Office is pixelated and skippy, and BYU is getting wiped by TCU. I am also feeling a case of leprosy coming on.

NBC Is All Screwed Up

How am I supposed to watch The Office when my television is acting like a scratched DVD? Is it screwed up in Utah Valley too? I have a rabbit ear antenna and Adam has cable, and both are skipping and have weird pixelated lines running across the screen. Sad day. Maybe I'll watch Nova on PBS instead.

Math Test Results... Still Pending

My professor still hadn't finished correcting the tests as of class time today. She did say that most of the class did poorly. ha ha. So she is giving us an extra credit assignment to make up some of the points that we all probably desperately need.

The Skunk War

I don't know what it is. My family's neighborhood has always been a haven for skunks. They don't bother me all that much generally, but several times we've had a skunk run into our garage, get startled, and hide out for days, spraying every time a dog or cat gets too close. Not cool. Skunks are fearless. Nobody wants to mess with them, and they know it. For a while if you drove down our road at dusk, you'd likely see see a skunk sauntering on the shoulder, making stops at all the houses with cat food. They made the rounds like clock work every day, indifferent to man and animal alike. That is until my dad finally decided to strike back.

Mind you, this isn't a story from my childhood. This happened a year or two ago. My dad had me climb onto the roof of our house with binoculars and my cell phone. He sat watching baseball on TV with a .22 by his side. There I sat, eyes peeled in the near-darkness, perched on the roof. Soon I saw a familiar black shape shuffling down the street. I fumbled for my phone and hit the speed dial. "I have a visual. 2 o' clock, by the fire hydrant." Without a response, I heard a click, and within moments saw my dad crossing the lawn towards the target. minutes later, the skunk's still-warm corpse lay in the street. My dad dressed in winter clothes, (I'm still not sure what that was supposed to accomplish,) and he shoveled the limp varmint into a garbage bag and threw him into the gulch behind my house. He smelled like a skunk for a couple days after, and probably had to throw out the clothes, but it was a victory against the skunks.

Another time, a skunk ran into our cats' house. My dad ran over and covered the opening with a board. Together, he and my brother Derek hoisted the house, and threw it off a 30' ft. cliff. I wasn't there for that one. There have been others. I won't detail all of them as some of the stories are more incriminating than others, but needless to say, we have an epic battle going on.

Every time we push back against the skunk invasion, it wins us a couple months of respite from their relentless odorous onslaught, but a couple of weeks ago, those striped devils upped the ante.





A skunk dug a burrow under our concrete porch and took up residence in our back yard! Like any good soldier behind enemy lines, this skunk knew how to keep a low profile. It waited until the dead of night to slink out of its lair. It moved like a shadow, only leaving a faint trace of its scent. It was without a doubt the most formidable foe we've faced to date. It lived in the lion's den for a couple of months, fearlessly stealing cat food from under our noses. Mind you, this happened after the semester started in Cedar, so I wasn't there to see the ensuing events firsthand. Last weekend my brother Dylan went up north to visit my parents, and it was then that my dad decided to strike. If the skunk wouldn't come out of its hole, then he would go in after it. He duct taped a hose to the exhaust pipe of my sister's 94 Ford Taurus, and stuck the other end into the burrow, and blocked off the entrance with a tire. They then started the car and let the car work its slow lethal magic. DEATH BY ASPHYXIATION! PWNED! That is why we have opposable thumbs, and skunks have stupid little digging claws. Maybe next time.

Math Test Results... Pending

I took my math 1050 test yesterday, after spending several hours trying to make sense of it in my mind. I figured most of it out on my own, but finally I found the tutoring center, and got clarification on one small point. It wasn't as big of a deal as I thought. There are plenty of people in there, and it was the antithesis of being singled out. In fact I sat there for ten minutes unaware that I had to raise my hand to get help. I will be utilizing this service more often in the future. Anyway, I will post my test results later in the day. They won't be amazing, but they'll be passing.

Riot Act Mystery

A couple of days ago I bought a copy of Pearl Jam's "Riot Act" on vinyl at the record store Groovacious down here in Cedar. It was $15.99. Now here is the mystery. There are no discernible signs that would indicate that it is a reissue or an import, but Riot Act LP's are going for $100.00+ online. I looked all over online and could find no re-issued pressings of the album. I would like to think that I found a gem, but I am feeling very wary. Someday this mystery will be revealed to me.

Hair Dye

I'm going to dye my hair today. I have had a thing of hair dye for months and months and i never got around to using it. Get ready for Dark-Haired Dan. Everyone knows Dark-Haired Dan is much more fun than regular Dan. Also, I need to eat and do laundry. Oh yeah, and I have one more class today. I almost forgot. You know, with all of my responsibilities sometimes a couple get lost in the shuffle.

THERMO

Some of you may be aware that I have obsessed about the mythical ghost town Thermo for some time. Others of you may know that last spring Adam and I finally managed to find Thermo, which actually only consists of a small hot spring. Even less of you may have heard that when we were about 1/4 mile from our destination we saw a large well lit facility with people walking around in the middle of the night.

Well tonight we went back to Thermo. this time the facility had grown, and there were two well lit areas. when we approached, a security truck pulled up along side the road. We continued on to Thermo and had a look around. This time nobody went for a dip. After we had our fill of Thermo and its wafting sulfurous fumes, we began our return journey. Again, as we approached the facility, the security truck pulled up to the road. This time, we stopped next to it. We learned that our assumptions about the facility had been correct. It was a massive geothermal power plant, tapping into the steam underground. It was really interesting, I wonder if they give tours during the day. I guess the energy they produce there is used to help power the city of Anaheim. I guess it has the potential to produce power for up to 33,000 people. Who would have thought that the stinking bubbling springs that Dominguez and Escalante stumbled upon 200+ years ago would power 9,000 homes in California? Mind blowing. I know I make fun of science a lot, but it was really fascinating.

Upon arriving home I searched for the plant on the internet.

http://www.rasertech.com/media/movies/html/geothermal_groundbreaking.html

http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700224550,00.html

This sort of explains the technology behind it.

Silvestre Vélez de Escalante

After reading his journal chronicling the daily events of the Dominguez Escalante expedition, I have decided to bestow the title "Father of Blogging" upon Silvestre Velez de Escalante. The guy had a knack for a good concise blog post. Sure, he predated the internet by a good 200+ years, but if you had given that man a laptop, he would have pwned the world wide web.

October is Adventure Month

Something about October makes me jones for a good old-fashioned adventure. maybe the cold air numbs my brain. I wish I had Davy's metal detector. I'd like to take that out to Frisco. Maybe we should take another trip to the most awkward hot springs ever to spew forth from the earth. THERMO! Why are they awkward, you ask? Two nearly naked men sitting back to back in a rusting tub that smells of hardboiled eggs. You know it smells bad when Dominguez and Escalante commented on the smell. It is a smell that has befouled men's nostrils through the centuries.

Album Art

I have been noticing an encouraging trend in music. I love 90's alternative, but I think most of you will agree that it was kind of the dark ages for album art. Cassettes and CD's are just bad mediums for visual artistic expression. As the popularity of CD's has waned, and people are stealing MP3's and vinyl is making a comeback, I've noticed that more and more bands are revisiting the long lost art of the Album.

Secret Computer Lab

Thanks to Adam and Jaynann for showing me the error of my ways and introducing me to the basement computer lab in the ELC. The library is always loud and full. This place is much more comfortable. There's a dude that camps out in the corner of the lab and plays WoW all day. I have been in here a few times now, and he's always there. I'm glad I broke that habit.

So I came in here to write some stuff for my novel, and yet I have somehow started blogging. Counterproductive.

Epic Failure.

After school today I arrived at my car to find a flat tire. I got out the spare, and the crappy little dollar store jack that they throw in there, and I lifted the front drivers side wheel off the ground. I managed to get the tire off. Home free, right? Wrong. The car rolled off the jack and slammed into the asphalt. Luckily I wasn't under it. So some dude comes over. Its pretty lame that a guy has to get help from another guy to change a tire, but at this point I'm sufficiently humbled to accept help. So the guy puts the little jack under the car and lifts it off the ground again.... and the damn thing rolled off again. At least at this point I realize its not just me. The problem is that the road is uneven and poorly graded. Thanks Cedar City. Also, it's just a terrible jack. So the guy runs over to his car and gets a bigger better jack and we manage to get the car off the ground without grinding it into the road a third time. Luckily nothing except my pride was permanently damaged.

It reminded me of trying to change the truck tire on the Escalante trip. Davy focused on his arts and crafts while garit, mike, and i, tried to use a similarly worthless jack to lift a truck, which proved impossible without the help of slabs of sandstone. I have terrible luck with changing tires.

Hitler Nazi Germany Essay

I got a 94 on my essay. So did Jaynann. No bragging rights :(

I take comfort in the fact that it was a fun essay to write. I have a much better grasp on the Weimar Republic than I did before.

Super Fake Nice

sElf is back! He's got a new song up called Monogamy, which is really good in my opinion. It is one of my favorites of his so far. It has been several years since Matt has recorded as sElf, since Ornament and Crime if I'm not mistaken, and that wasn't even officially released. Sad, as I thought it had some good songs. Anyway this new song is really poppy and catchy. According to sElf's Myspace, the song is from the album Super Fake Nice. A new sElf album? Woo hoo!

Beck- The Information

Tonight I've been listening to the last couple Beck albums. I have particularly enjoyed revisiting The Information. The more I listen to Beck, the more impressed I am with his musical diversity. There are several gems on this record. Give it a listen.

The Rumors Are True.

I had to take one for the team and put breast milk on my hand. Yeah. It was weird. I just thought you should hear it from me on my own terms, instead of being outed by other sources (Adam).

Where is the Tutoring Center?

I have never been tutored before. In fact I have never taken any personal lessons from anyone in anything before, except my mom taught me some piano. I have refused any one on one help from outside of my immediate circle of friends and family since I can remember. It's one of my things. I taught myself how to play the guitar. I struggled through difficult subjects in school. I never took karate or other similar lessons. I don't know why, but that's the way its always been. I have a serious aversion to being singled out. Now I stand on the precipice of bombing my final math class. The dreaded 1050. As I peer over the chasm I see the frustration, wasted money, and another semester of math taunting me. Do I accept defeat? Or do I go through with the unthinkable and ask for help at the tutoring center? Its a tough call, but I am that sick of math. I have to get through this class. So where is the tutoring center?

I Stand By Everything I Said

Gretchen and I had a conversation that I thought might be of interest to my friends and family.

Dan Promotes Caging Of Innocents

Normal

Gretchen challenged me to blog about something normal.

Four years ago I hiked Timp with Garit, Davy, and Branden, and it was truly a humbling experience. By the time I reached the top I was shuffling like a holocaust survivor. (Not saying my suffering was comparable, just saying I'm a total wuss). Here is a picture. This was towards the beginning and I was already sitting on the ground to rest. Yes, I am aware that my haircut looks like the elf guy on Dark Crystal. (Thanks for that immortal comparison, Davy.)

I am accutely aware that I was wearing a bandana around my neck, and was toting a bag of Lemonhead candies. Thank you for not stating the obvious.



This is me looking like I'm at death's door on the saddle. There I am wearing that goofy girl's camp bandanna. So this is the point of the hike where I had driven myself to the brink of exhaustion, only to realize that I was looking down on the same scene I'd been looking at my whole life, only smaller. To make matters worse, while I was stumbling around like the living dead, just out of the picture two little girls were chilling out right next to us. They hadn't even broken a sweat.

This is why I don't blog about normal things. I manage to make everything weird.

Weekend

I am coming up again. It's a long weekend btw, so I'll be there Friday night- Monday night. I'm glad that SUU has a deer hunt holiday. I never took hunters safety, so I don't hunt, but I'll take any holiday I can get. Even if it is to celebrate and facilitate the mass slaughter of fauna.

Ancient Greece: To Make Matters Worse.

So on top of the Red Sox getting whipped like a sick dog at Fenway today, I also lost a friendly competition with my good friend Jaynann Daly. We're both in the Ancient Greece history class, and for a test our professor assigned an essay based on one of three options to be completed at home. So last week we wrote our essays, both of us waiting until the last day to write them up in a frenzy. Mine was on the origins of ancient Athenian democracy. Hers was on the Spartan culture. As he began passing the tests back today, we anxiously awaited our scores. The person with the higher score naturally would have friendly bragging rights. So our professor calls Jaynann by name along with a handful of other students for their exceptional papers. My name was not called. Jaynann got her paper. 94/100. Time passed. My name was one of the last called. 92/100. WHYYYYYY?!?!? I LOSE AT EVERYTHING! I don't know why I even try. I am going to drop out of school.

Baseball Misery Continued

Sorry for saying ass in the last post. Take comfort in knowing that I have thoroughly edited my true feelings for public viewing. I was saying much worse during the game. Ask Adam and Jaynann's three month old child, I was baby-sitting her at the time.

I am Literally Nauseous,

The Red Sox are screwed. They just lost a vital game in embarrassing fashion, and barring a complete shift in the cosmos, their season is all but over. I want to crawl into a hole and die. Before any of you line up with smart-ass comments about sports being lame, or whatever, know that I will take it personally. I will hunt you down and beat you to death with a baseball bat. You know who you are. I'll let Kevin's Manny comment slide, because I'm wondering the same thing.

And I Thought They Smelled Bad on the Outside

I spent the night huddled in the bowels of a dead ton-ton. Yet somehow I have survived, and my pipes remain unfrozen. And you told me he'd freeze before the first marker. Never doubt my survival ability again.

Apartment Temperature Update

Just to give an update on the first snow day of the fall, I am boycotting old heating oil furnaces because they are inconvenient. So I am currently without a substantial heat source. Strangely, my house isn't nearly as cold as you'd think. Of course, I'm still bundled up in every odd and end knitted accessory that I could muster. I have the little space heater blowing towards the pipes. That's all I care about. I really really really don't want to burst the pipes. I will keep you all updated on this riveting situation.

How am I supposed to catch Davy?

Davy is a relentless blogger. After this post it will be Davy 32 posts, Dan 23 posts, and Adam will be bringing up third place on the strength of his mobile blogging extravaganza. Columbus, Harvey Birdman, Anti-Panda Express? How am I supposed to fight this? Well, I must press on. Hopefully Davy burns out like a brilliant flash. I am going to In and Out burger today. If I could mobile blog I would milk two posts out of that alone. Oh well.

Dan and Mike, A Gtalk conversation

Gretchen wanted to go on a road trip down to southern Utah today, and she told me and I got excited, but then Mike vetoed it. Here was my response to Micheal:

me: YOU'RE TEARING UP MY HEART....

Micheal: quit playing game with dan's heart.... it's dan's heart.... dan's heart.

a little more time passes in conversation...

me: to the tune of Bye Bye Bye: Mike, you can drive home tonight, or we can just sit and fight, on gmail til our hands get cramped, micheal come--ooon... I love you endlessly, so come and visit me, now its time to leave, get your coat and leave home... i know that you can't take much more of these endless drives, but I want to see you out that door, micheal bye bye bye

Micheal: BYE BYE ... should I really spend 60 bucks to go see you? Just another driver in this trip for two?

me: It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie micheal drive drive drive DRIVE DRIVE.

Best Gtalk conversation ever.

Updated Myspace Music Page

I recorded a new version of an older song, "Red and Yellow", last night and uploaded it to my myspace along with a song I recorded earlier in the summer entitled "Its Time We Let These War Wounds Bleed". Anyway, give them a listen. And try to figure out how to download mp3s from myspace. I've been trying to figure it out all morning.

Have you ever used the word assuage in an essay?

I have! I deserve an A for coming up with that word. It is so much cooler than words like relieve, or ease. You're thinking this is a strange and pointless post. True, but I got tired of writing my essay and decided to assuage my boredom by blogging. The best part of that word is if you switch a couple letters around it says sausage.

I am hungry for Gandolfo's breakfast

The sandwich I like is one I made up when I worked there, no, it was not the "Steamy Manhole", although I still stand by that name as the coolest possible New York-themed sandwich name ever. Anyway, I will settle for any Gandolfo's sandwich right now. I am not picky.

Sometimes the world kicks you in the mouth.

Life is tough and I am naive. I still hope someday we'll all get our happy endings. It is that hope that sustains me as I see the world tear apart before my eyes, and so much that is good and right and worthwhile melts away, leaving me second guessing whether it was ever there in the first place. Thanks to the amazing people out there who are faithful, honest, and loving in the face of so much adversity. You are inspiring.

I just realized that one of my songs was prophetic.

I predicted our current economic crisis. I am a musical seer

Shopping Mall

It was even in a simple analogy that the common man can understand. I hope you all heeded my council and got out of the market before it was too late. For those who didn't, shame on you.

The world IS run by robots.

What is with modern society's aversion to using the word robot? Forty or fifty years ago if you had asked some sci-fi crazed kid what he expected in the year 2008 his description would be full of references to robots. Allow me to imagine it.

In the twenty-first century, robots will make our cars, process our food, vacuum our floors, select our music, manage our finances, etc. Our automobiles will in fact be robots that will tell us when there is technical difficulty. Robots will fly our planes. Impartial robots will determine the outcomes of our democratic elections. The greatest mathematicians will be robots. The best chess players will be robots. ROBOTS!

Fast forward to today, it's all true. Robots are real and they are all around us. But nobody wants to talk about it anymore. Look around you people! We are living in a bizarre futuristic robot world, but we're all numb to it! Please, I beg you, never forget that a world run by robots is creepy. From Teddy Ruxpin to your PC, they are everywhere.

Re: Davy's Sandwich Dream

Davy had an awesome dream. I have never dreamed of a sandwich, but that sounds incredible. Last night I dreamed I was protecting a little boy from a mob of people who were bent on killing him because they forsaw he would become some sort of threat later in life. It was all very epic as they had our building surrounded, and we sent a caravan of cars through the blockade and then snuck off in a different direction with the boy hiding in the back of my.....wait for it..... RED LUMINA! My old Lumina made a guest appearance in my dream. That was definitely the highlight. I think I literally laughed in the dream.



Good luck catching me in this action, suckas.

Itunes Genius Playlist

Move along Garit. You want no part in this.

A while ago Adam introduced me to the Genius feature on the new Itunes and I really dig it. Your library gets synched up with some robot in some third world country somewhere, and it spews out playlists based on a song that you select. Example, I really like the song Soma by The Smashing Pumpkins, so I select it and click the genius button and instantly I have a playlist of 25 songs from my library that were selected by the genius robot. Usually it makes a cool playlist, although I've noticed that the robot has a thing for Blind Melon, and I don't want them on my playlist. Other than that, its a great feature.

A Planner!

I bought a 5.00 planner from Walmart. I wanted to buy one of those fancy Franklin Covey planners, but I have no money, and I knew that the likelihood of myself successfully and consistently using a planner, was a serious long shot. So I am trying the cheap planner first. The planner also doubles as a notebook in which I can write down ideas, observations, and descriptions on the fly. So basically I am a 26 year old wannabe Harriet the Spy. But really it's to exercise my powers of observation, and to make myself a better writer. I got the idea from the writing book I found over the weekend. So yeah. I am poised and ready to take some crap for being the nerd with the notebook and the mini-pen, but hopefully its worth the hassle.

ORENTHAL, NO!

Now how is he supposed to find the real killers?

Just got back to Cedar.

My house is cold. Adam, I need to borrow your space heater. These next two months are going to be ass-cold. Ass-cold means really cold. Sorry to those who are offended by the pure unadulterated vulgar truth. But words like "very", "super", "extremely" just don't cut it.

Am I a terrible person?

I just experienced a strong feeling that I am too self-absorbed. Yesterday I was looking through my family's closet full of books. and I looked on the ground to see a book that caught my eye. It was "The Writer's Handbook", nearly a thousand pages on how to write, get published etc. It interested me because I've been thinking so much about writing lately. I wondered who's book it was. I had looked through this closet hundreds of times and I had never seen it. I pulled it out and read a couple chapters at random. This morning I was walking around with the book in hand and my mom saw it and smiled. I asked her if she knew where this book came from. She then proceeded to explain to me that several years ago in the early nineties she had wanted to become a children's author. She had even started on a few books until she got too busy with her five little kids. This was news to me! I was surprised because it seemed so unlike her. Then I had a moment of realization. My mom had/has dreams and hopes and plans just like I do. I just never noticed or heard about them because she has focused her life on her kids. Wow. I feel selfish. How many dreams has my mom sacrificed for me without a word of complaint? I am completely oblivious. I hope someday she finishes her books. She smiled and said she probably won't.

Utah Valley Visit.

I'm coming up this weekend. If anyone wants to hang out, let me know. Hopefully my car can make it up there. It is still suffering from the deer attack that it suffered several months ago. Anyway, I am excited to go home for the weekend and hopefully we can get something going. If I die on the way up, spread my ashes 'round the yard.

Important Thursday Events

#1- No Office. What a bummer, I have been excited for a new episode all week. I can't believe I didn't process the fact that due to the debates, There would probably be no Office. Oh well, plenty of entertainment anyway.

#2- Dodgers take the first two games of their series vs. the Cubs, at Wrigley Field. Who saw this coming? I am still pissed about Manny Ramirez quitting on the Sox. The Dodgers basically got him for free. Now they are killing the Cubs. They ended up winning 10-3 tonight.

#3- Vice Presidential Debate- I only saw parts of it, but I thought Sarah Palin did better than we expected her to. There was no meltdown. No major gaffes that I could see. I was so concerned, and it makes me realize I am more effected by the media coverage, and pop culture than I previously thought. We have been barraged with expectations of a terrible performance, but now analysts were saying she won the debate. Of course you wonder if Biden's main goal in the debate was to stay down. He had everything to lose and not a lot to gain by burying Palin. Anyway, it was less dramatic than I expected.

#4- Utah beats OSU- Utah tied OSU with a touchdown with like a 1:30 left in the fourth. Then I looked away, and when I looked back, they were kicking a field goal with 3 seconds left in the game. They won. Great news for the MWC. Now hopefully BYU will follow that up with a shutout against Utah State. BCS! BCS! BCS!

Revisiting Screamo.

Call me a wussbag, I can take it. But I have to admit something on my blog. Over the past couple of days I have been revisiting screamo music on on Rhapsody. And I really like some of it. My brother and I both agreed there is some really cool screamo, but we both wish they didn't all have the same vocal style. One can only take so much of the trademark whine. The music and the screaming though, grade A.

Mobile blogging, why wont you upload my pictures? I could be king of the blog universe.

My Novel Is Suffering.

Ever since the semester started.... Actually since my glasses snapped in half over the summer, I have fallen out of the habit of writing my novel. I really want to keep writing, but inertia has me planted firmly in place. I think both Mike and Davy know what I'm talking about. It is so easy for me to stop writing and so hard to start back up again. I am going to try to write some tonight before game 1 of Red Sox vs. Angels. HIT IT OUT OF THE PAAAHK!

The Scranton Apocalyptic Wikiup Compound

When the whole world falls apart I am going to start a new colony in the west desert. Potential sites are Scranton, maybe Ophir since it has water. We will fortify the canyon walls and build wikiup shelters out of mud, mine tailings, and juniper branches. Davy has already signed up. Any other takers? Garit, we could use your giant axehammer if you're interested.

Look what I've resorted to.

I just made the connection. Allison Sweeney is the host of Biggest Loser AND an actress on Days of Our Lives. I don't like either show, but I am watching Days of Our Lives right now and I saw a dude with a patch on his eye and I want to know why. Maybe I will start following the show to learn the mystery of the eye patch.

Blog Hangover

I believe I am experiencing a blog hangover, big time. I must have exhausted all of my creative energy to surge past Garit on the number of September posts. Now I am sitting at my computer screen, staring blankly, with absolutely nothing to blog about. I had to dig down real deep yesterday, and I am suffering for it today. Oh, wait, I think I just thought of a blog post. It might have to wait until after my math class though. Coming up next: The Scranton Apocalyptic Wikiup compound.

HELLO OCTOBER

Now that I have thoroughly pwned the month of September, I look forward to blogging you into submission as well.